“I want you to call me next time so I can help you with your setup of your scene. I want to see you really fly and work from things that really allow you to act, be active and be deeply emotional.”
-(a highly paraphrased critique from my acting coach)
I bombed last night in class. It was pretty bad. Our scene quickly turned into a one-note “I hate you” cussing match. I didn’t react to the shock of my girlfriend treating me like dirt. I didn’t have a deep emotional relation to the fact that my mom had passed.
Tom stopped the scene pretty quickly since it was going nowhere. I felt horrible. It was a reminiscent feeling of the first time I did stand-up comedy and nobody laughed. Just stared.
Driving home from class it hit me:
I am EMOTIONALLY RETARDED.
Ok. Maybe I’m not severly retarded, but definitely exhibit symptoms of emotional retardation. This is what I’m realizing from the notes I’m getting from my acting coach and conversations with my wife.
I try to justify it in my mind by telling myself, “it’s because of my asian family upbringing and the ’show no emotion’ attitude”. But that’s a cop-out. A lot of it is just me. As my beautiful wife has gently pointed out, I disconnect from highly charged emotional situations, I’m passive aggressive, I don’t communicate my emotions or desires and I don’t show much emotion (other than anger - the acceptable manly emotion). I have that “white face, black heart” thing going on. This causes a lot of problems in my life AND in my acting. How am I suppose to express real emotion in acting if I don’t express it in real life?
With my lack of emotional range in my acting exercises I have two career choices: comedian or action star. Problem is, I’m not all that funny, and my kung fu is pretty pitiful.
But I must be getting better. In the first year acting program I cried onstage. That was real emotion. And recently I even got choked up and shed a few tears in the “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Asian Men” performance. So I feel I am making progress.
I just need to work harder. Whatever it takes. I’m going to make this happen.
Yeah Im that way too. all asians do, its culture! maybe you need to think you need to think less and feel more. Instead of tensing up when emtions come relax. Bah, I probably don’t know what im talking about. After all im asian and your bro! But, I’m always here and i’ll teach you to be a super action star or you can join the west coast team and they can show you stuff, tell tony thompson or ernie reyes sr. that your my bro!
I always cry when I chop onions maybe u can try doing that hehe :P~. Me too I find it hard to show emotions and I am a girl it must be the asian thing going on I rather cry alone then in front of someone I would always drive down to the beach when I am really mad and need a cry it specially good when it stormy cause my mood matches the oceans then. Good luck with your acting career. Just believe in yourself.
I’m thinking I might try the “Joey” way of acting from “Friends”. When I need to cry I’ll just stab myself in the leg with a pencil. I just have to make sure the camera doesn’t see it!
Chris - You’re the one who should be the action star anyway. You’ve got the skills.