David Chiu

Happy Holidays!

H and I spent last week in Utah with my family. We actually rented a 2005 Ford Explorer and drove 11 hours. I usually hate road trips but the comfortably new SUV made the trip painless. On the way up we listened to the audio book for “Redbird Christmas” and were rewarded with beautiful scenery all around us through Nevada, Arizona and Utah.

Christmas was spent eating way too much junk food, going to Dim Sum and my dad’s new favorite Chinese restaraunt, laughing, playing games, watching movies and hanging out. My brother Jon had a horrible time even getting to Utah from the east coast because of weather. After cancellations and delays he finally arrived Christmas morning.

Dad spent the entire time rumaging through the house asking everyone in the family if we needed to keep certain things, or telling us we need to take them back with us. This Christmas marked a big transition for my parents and us. My dad actually starts his new job in Hong Kong next week. My mom will be putting a lot of stuff in storage and selling a lot of other things and then will join him as well. It will be wierd to have my parents living across the globe in a different country. I guess we all took it for granted that my parents were always “close enough”. Now to visit them will mean an international trip for either us or them.

For some odd reason, these past couple of days have brought deep philisophical questions to light. The day after Christmas my brothers, sister, H and I went to see “The Aviator”. A brilliant movie and performance by DiCaprio in my eyes which was both inspirational and challenging on many levels. I look at the driven genius of Howard Hughes and all that he achieved in both art and science. I also see the charisma and skill of DiCaprio and his portrayal of OCD and a man slipping from genius to insanity. Then I look at myself and notice similar traits, but little success. Both Howard Hughes and Leonardo DiCaprio accomplished brilliant success at a young age but what have I done? I too, like Howard Hughes have interest in both Art AND Science yet I seem to self-defeat myself with fragmented interests and mind. Then there is the story and legend of Alexander the Great whose story H and I listened too on the 11-hour drive back to LA. Once again, here is an extraordinary individual who is able to accomplish so much at such a young age. Finally, I have my belief system shaken to the core by watching the fascinating documentary of “DaVinci DeCoded”. “What if’s” start filling my head and my heart, spirit and mind start fighting each other.

What does this all mean?

Why am I being presented with all this information and questions now? Is it a sign? A message? A lesson?

I feel lost. CARPE DIEM!

The only way to grow is to become broken down and rebuilt again. Just like bodybuilding. You break and tear the muscle fibers so that they might reform bigger and stronger. So I guess that’s what’s happening.

H told me I should quit my job. She said if I can gain nothing from being there, I should stop wasting my time and quit. She said a little desperation may help me. I can’t quit though. It’s too irresponsible. She tells me I need to engage in life. “If you are an actor” she says, “you should want to engage people to study their behaviour, to feel emotion, to be in the moment.” She’s right.

So I see all these different forces telling me change. To become more than I am today. I can feel myself resisting. I don’t know why. I guess it’s just part of the process.

I tried to fight it but I lost. I’m officially sick. The flu I think. A severe cold at best. I have all the symptoms listed on the box. The medicine seemed to help a little. I had to call out of the independent movie I’m in. I was suppose to shoot 5 scenes today but there is no way I could perform in my condition.

I hate being sick. Even worse, H is sick as well. I got her sick. So now I have to take care of both of us. But at least we’re sick now and have time to recover for the Holidays.

I wish I was a prodigy in something. Anything. I find myself envious at the 12 year old that has composed 4 symphonies and is attending Juliard. I composed one song when I was 8. It was called “Mommy”. It was literally child’s play compared to this kids symphonic works. In an interview he says he hears the music in his mind. He actually hears multiple pieces of music in his mind and has to write it on paper to get it out of his head. He’s like Mozart. He’s gifted. Then there is that 16 year old that is completing his pre-med. He’ll be a doctor before most kids his age complete their undergrad degrees.

I think my problem is focus. I’ve never been able to completely focus. I get bored and distracted easily. I’m interested in too many things. My prodigy powers have been spread too thin across art, science and entertainment. I try to do too much. I try to accomplish too much…

I’m tired. Time to sleep.