Published on Wednesday January 25, 2006 · Filed under: Acting,
Goals,
Life .
At the beginning of this year I had set a couple of goals for my acting career:
· Land a guest starring role on a prime time network tv show
· Land a supporting role in a major motion picture film
· Land a lead role in a feature length, high visibility indie film
· Get a manager who can help jump start my career
These goals seem pretty high especially since I can’t even remember the last time my agency sent me out for a theatrical audition. (ok I lie, it was last summer for a guest starring spot on Malcolm in the Middle) I’ve been really wanting to find a way to “make things happen”, to make that permanent transition from the office cubicle to the movie set. Anthony Robbins has been telling me for weeks that if I really focus and meditate on my goals I could make it happen. Just as he did with his own life in creating his motivational empire.
So for these past 2 weeks my mind has gone into over-time trying to devise ways to accomplish my goals and dreams - from becoming financially independent, to becoming that award winning actor I see in my mind. And I have come up with a few crazy ideas that just might work.
One of them is happening right now.
I decided to put myself on eBay and auction my acting skills to the highest bidder who would put me in a TV show or feature film. To up the ante I decided to donate the proceeds of the auction to charity. Crazy huh? I intended to just post the listing and leave it to “fate” to see if anything happened, but I started getting a lot of positive feedback from friends and family. They said I needed to get this in the press. So I started tweaking the listing and doing guerrilla PR by sending the link to various blogs and news sites. I started getting more hits and H urged me to send out a press release. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to spend $500+ on an official press release and distribution but then I found www.prfactory.org who would write and distribute my press release for $179. So that’s where it’s at now. An official press release is being drafted and will be sent out in a couple of days. Steve McCardell, the man behind PR Factory even mentioned how much he liked the idea.
So maybe I have something here? The chance to score an additional 15min of fame which if used properly, could jump start my career? I dunno. At the moment I have 198 hits on my ebay page but 0 bids. It’s a chance. But that’s all I need.
Published on Monday January 23, 2006 .
I had a breakthrough in class on Sunday. I was on stage and I felt no pressure to “perform” I just played the scene moment by moment. I felt more relaxed and natural than I have in a long time. I think it helped that before class Lisa told us that we should never try to please a casting director, teacher, etc. She said “F*ck them”. Do it for yourself, not to please anyone else. Do the work because you love it, because this work is your art.
Of course we still have some work to do on the scene. But I feel really good about the progress we’ve made. I’ve also really come to appreciate the brilliance of the play - DOUBT. I feel lucky that I was assigned such a great piece of work. Lisa has artistic reasons why certain pieces are assigned to actors - she is trying to mold us all, stretch us and help us grow artistically. I don’t know what specific reason I was given this play but I am thankful that I have the opportunity to really work on it.
On another note, I had this crazy idea and posted myself on Ebay…
Published on Wednesday January 18, 2006 .
I’m feeling overwhelmed at the moment. I’ve spent the last few days working non-stop on freelance projects which I still need to complete - plus there might be more freelance projects coming up. I am very thankful for the abundance of work that is available to me, but I’m started to feel stifled as an actor. I try to balance it by listening to motivational audio programs on confidence and achieving your dreams. I debate on whether or not I should stop doing freelance altogether. It’s good money but it leaves me with less time to fully dedicate my attention to acting. The caveat is that I need the freelance to pay debt and keep up with our bills. But I have this idea…
I’ve started journaling on paper again as a way to write down thoughts quickly at any time and also minimize the chance of being distracted by email or the internet. Seems to be working pretty good.
I’m still hitting the gym pretty hard. I’m finding I stil have great motivation to transform my body. I’m lifting heavier and heavier every week. Steady progress. It feels great. I’m noticing more definition around my upper chest and shoulder area where there is less bodyfat. I’ve also canceled my garage parking pass for work to force me to walk 15min into work in the morning. I’m also walking for an hour during lunch around the airport. It’s a nice walk and it helps burn extra calories.
I called an psychiatrist who specializes in anxiety disorders last week. I started debating on whether I should get professional help to treat my stage fright and self esteem issues. Turns out that therapy is way too expensive at the moment. Instead I’ve told myself that I can beat this psychological hang-up just like John Nash overcame schizophrenia. I actually started using a psychological method of self-talk and actually speaking to myself addressing my inner critic and negative thoughts which hold me back. I’ve been talking to myself during my walks at lunch. It feels a little crazy at first but then I realize that when I use my bluetooth headset it looks like I’m talking to myself anyway so what’s the difference.
On Sunday my scene in acting class went 100% better. No sweating this time - although it was freezing in Santa Monica on Sunday. Overall the critque was that we needed more practice and work more on developing our “actions” and relationship.
Published on Sunday January 8, 2006 · Filed under: Acting,
Life .
After three hours of rehearsal today and days of trying to do a Bronx accent for the play DOUBT, the culmination was me having a meltdown on stage with sweat dripping off my face. I tried to work past my anxiety but it was too late. I had to stop the scene. I felt like I had failed. I had spent two months working on self confidence and tonight served as a little test to see how much confidence I had gained. None. Although I did feel more confident just being myself on stage during my critique. The anxiety arose from several things: the fact I was trying a heavy Bronx accent which I knew needed a lot of work, the fact that I didn’t do all of the steps to prepare the scene like I have been taught in the two year program, the fact that my teacher from my second year taught tonight, the fact that the scene felt awkward from the moment I opened my mouth on stage. It all contributed to my self doubt and anxiety. As my wife told me tonight, I need to have the confidence and charm on-stage that I do when I go for job interviews. I don’t put much into job interviews since to me it’s “just a job” which I can easily get anywhere else. I’m relaxed, at ease, confident (on the verge of being cocky) and very sure of myself. I don’t worry what the interviewers think of me. That’s how I need to be on stage. Tom said tonight that people like Russel Crowe are stars because they ooze confidence. They believe in themselves and the characters they are playing and they don’t care what other people think. They just are. So I still need to learn to be onstage and just “be”.
Published on Friday January 6, 2006 .
I think it’s so ironic that I was assigned scenes from the play “Doubt” to work on for class. I first started working on the pivotal scene between Father Flynn and Sister Aloysious a few months ago but then stopped going to class for financial reasons.
I’ll admit that I wasn’t all that excited on working on the play. The material made me a little uncomfortable and it would be a real stretch for me to play a priest in the 50’s with a Bronx accent. But that was the point - to stretch me artistically as an actor. So now it’s 2006 and my beautiful wife has signed me up for scene study class as part of my Christmas present. Yesterday I was told that Lisa (my acting coach) still wanted me to work on scenes from the play so I’ve now been paired up with a different actress to work on the scene between Father Flynn and Sister James. I was also told that Lisa wants to see the scene “on it’s feet” (memorized with blocking) this Sunday. A 5-page scene memorized, blocked and with accents prepared in 3 days - no pressure right? Luckily I found the Doubt website along with some video previews. I gained so much more insight on the play and the characters by just watching the 2 minute clip. It also really helped inform me of how the Bronx accent should sound.
So I have blocked off a couple hours on Sunday before class to rehearse with my new partner. This will be a good test to see how much more confidence I have gained as an actor after studying materials on self confidence.
It has been estimated that we have 50,000 thoughts a day. How many of yours are positive?
Published on Sunday January 1, 2006 .
Woke up at 7am today, walked the dog for 20min, went to the gym, walked around the block for another 20min waiting for the gym to open, did 90lbs on the sled for 12/10/8/6 slow reps, jumped on the hack squat machine did 90lbs for 12/10/8/6 slow reps, put two 25lb plates on a bar and did 2 reps of 8 squats, then ended with a 10min walk around the block. Now I’m hurting.
I also continued my workbook from Tony Robbins site. I’m setting a lot of big goals for myself this year. Now I have to start by creating a ritual for success. My problem is that in the mornings I have a hard time getting up, so I’m going to try drinking coffee first thing to get my brain in motion and get my butt in the gym. I’m also going to really work on instilling confidence in myself.
My foot is off the starting block and I can feel the momentum. Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride, Ain’t nothing gonna slow me down.
Published on Saturday December 31, 2005 .
Anthony Robbins has put together a short seminar and posted it on the internet to help you turn your reams into reality. I’ve listened to it and it’s good stuff. Listen and get motivated now.
Published on Wednesday December 28, 2005 .
If I were to pick a model for success Robert Rodriguez would be at the top of my list. According to the new Jan/Feb 2006 Men’s Health article “Take It From Me”, Robert Rodriguez has it all:
In 1992 he parlayed his $7k indie movie “El Mariachi” into a succssful and very lucrative Directing career and production studio.
He is both creative and highly technical, he can do it all, he’s a jack of all trades
His high tech Troublemaker Studios is also his residence and he lives outside Hollywood
He successfully balances work and home life - his wife produces with him and his kids collaborate crreatively
He’s always creating
He lives, works and thinks outside the box
He says, “There are no limits except for the ones you create for yourself”
He’s achieved my top goals: creative freedom and financial freedom. He’s turned his “work” into “play”, he balances his family and work and he’s his own boss. Now that’s success.
The opposite of bravery is not cowardice but conformity.